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Park Slope is known for it's amazing Halloween Parade. This year the Park Slope Civic Council Halloween Parade will take place on Oct. 31, 2009 at 6:30pm. I'm so excited for this family-friendly treat! It promises to be extra special this year. The route has changed slightly from prior years and their will be a musical performance before the parade starts, as well as at the end of the parade.
Below is an agenda of the evening. If you are wondering when Trick or Treating officially starts many of the businesses on 7th Avenue start at 4pm (some earlier, some later)…
Here’s more information about the other Goings On during Halloween in the Slope:
The 2009 Costume Contest Categories for The Park Slope Civic Council Costume Contest!
- The Spooky Sea Award (best overall theme)
- Best in Show- Adults
- Best in Show-Kid's Scariest Sea
- Monster Best “Small-Fry” (baby)
- Best Pop Culture Best Cat-or-Dogfish (best pet)
- Craftiest Seafarin’ Craft (best stroller/wagon)
- Best in a “School “(group/ensemble)
- 12:45- 3:00 The Halloween Pups on Parade at Washington Park (5th Ave btw 3rd and 4th)
- 3:00- 6:30 Free Photos in front of John Jay High School (7th Ave btw 3rd and 4th)
- 3:00--3: 55 Registration for the Costume Contest
- 4:00--5:00 Costume Contest
- 5:00--6:00 Musical Performance by Ethan’s Motley Rockin’ Show (in front of John Jay
- 6:30 The Park Slope Civic Council Halloween Parade
NEW PARADE ROUTE:
- Start at 14th st and 7th ave
- Turn left onto 3rd st
- Turn left onto 5th ave
- Into Washington Park (formerly JJ Byrne Park) to end with some music!
Hip Slope Mama's brand new sister site Momasphere had the chance to talk to Claire Mysko, a feminist and writer who co-authored the newly released book called Does This Pregnancy Make Mee Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby with Magali Amadei. In it they surveyed more than 400 women, including those who are considering starting a family, moms-to-be, and mothers. They offer a much-needed forewarning on what to expect from your changing body, exposing the myths, challenges, and insecurities you’ll face throughout. Claire writes books, blogs, leads workshops, and consults with companies and organizations that want to reach girls and women with empowering messages. She has served as the director of the American Anorexia Bulimia Association, the Executive Editor of SmartGirl, and the Assistant Director of Communications for Girls Inc. She is also the co-founder of Inside Beauty, an outreach program dedicated to promoting healthy body image. The following is Momasphere's exclusive interview with author Claire Mysko:
Q. Momasphere: You have been working for years with girls across the country on issues of body image and self-esteem. What inspired you to begin this book project, which I understand involved interviewing more than 400 women?
A. Claire Mysko: My co-author Magali Amadei and I started talking about the idea for this book when she was pregnant with her daughter. Suddenly it became clear that pregnancy and new motherhood are times of tremendous body image insecurity for women. Our bodies goes through major changes, yet there's not a lot of support to help us process those changes in a healthy way. From the doctor's office to the newsstand to the playground, there's plenty of talk about weight gain and weight loss, but we weren't hearing anything about how women were really dealing with all those pressures. So we started asking.
A. Claire Mysko: It wasn't hard at all, actually. Women did not hold back with us, but what we did find is that they're often not talking to anyone else. While nearly 80% of women expressed concerns about the body changes of pregnancy and motherhood, less than half of them said they discuss those concerns with their partners and their friends. Many women admitted they felt ashamed that they were worried about something so "superficial" as weight (even though that worry is reinforced everywhere around around us). Others said they feared they would be seen as selfish mothers for having such deep insecurities about their bodies.
A. Claire Mysko: I think there is an upside and a downside to the Hollywood coverage. It's positive in the sense that the pregnant body is no longer something to be hidden away or covered up. We now get to see many examples of women who are proudly and stylishly pregnant. But it can be hard to keep a realistic perspective on all those those Hollywood images and messages, especially when they set up the ridiculous expectation that we should all be striving for a "red carpet-ready body after baby." At the end of the day, we have to remember that celebrity media is in the business of selling. Ultimately, these stories are all touting the It baby gear, designer diets and workout plans--which most moms can't afford. And none of that has nothing to do with the day-to-day reality of being a mother.
A. Claire Mysko: This is where we really do need to shut out the Hollywood stories about stars who are back in their skinny jeans right after childbirth. For new moms, the most important thing you can do is give yourself time to heal and adjust to life with a newborn. We talked to women who regretted that they were instantly focused on losing weight and and working out because it took away from the experience of bonding with their babies.
Your goals should not involve stepping into a time machine to get your body back. Instead, focus on moving forward and remember to stop and appreciate the amazing feat your body has accomplished! Strive for body confidence, which we define as the belief that you are your most beautiful when you are healthy in body and mind. It's not about molding or shaping--it's about taking care of yourself so you can pass along healthy attitudes to your children.
A. Claire Mysko: There is a huge gap in prenatal and postpartum care when it comes to healthcare providers' awareness of and sensitivity to the fears and anxieties women have about weight and body image. There are millions of women who have been diagnosed with eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. In addition, recent research shows that two thirds of all women deal with some form of disordered eating (chronic dieting, emotional eating, overexercise, etc.). It's just common sense that many of these women are or will some day become mothers. Unfortunately, we heard story after story from women whose doctors said or did things to exacerbate their weight worries. And the scale is still the centerpiece of most prenatal appointments, which is a problem when the act of weighing in can be an unhealthy and triggering experience for many moms-to-be.
Doctors need to take more responsibility to educate themselves about these widespread issues; women need to be more proactive in discussing our histories of eating disorders, disordered eating and poor body image with our healthcare providers so we can find doctors who are equipped to support us and treat us with compassion.
A. Claire Mysko: We chose the title because we wanted something that was lighthearted, but also pointed to just how extreme our body obsessions have become. And you're right--though the title highlights pregnancy, we are really offering advice about how to confront your body image issues when you start planning a family (which is where I was when we researched and wrote the book), during pregnancy and beyond. The women we interviewed reflect that range of experiences. We talked to those who were just starting to think about motherhood, women at all stages of pregnancy, and mothers of infants, kids, and adults.
Read More...... READ MORE!Momasphere events is hosting a book reading/signing/panel discussion event with Claire Mysko on Thursday Oct 29th at the The Old Stone House in Parke Slope, Brooklyn. Find out more about the details at Momasphere Events.
I am so excited to have been interviewed by one of my favorite online publications, The Huffington Post! My interview was one of a three-part series on "Super Moms".
Wow, I'm a "Super Mom"! I don't always feel like a super mom, especially when I'm barely functioning on 3 hrs of sleep and running around my apartment at the last minute looking for my son's other shoe. Ultimately, I think this series of interviews is more about letting mom's know that all mothers are "super moms", especially if they are striving to build an identity and find a purpose while managing a family. Whether you are a stay at home or working mom, it's important to look for ways to be fulfilled beyond being a wife and mother. There are always growing pains involved w/self-realization, but, in the end, this benefits everyone in the family. Topics included in my interview were: being a mom-trepeuner, the mission of Momasphere (Hip Slope Mama's new national sister site) and it's mantra "Whole Women Make Whole Moms", how I manage to balance Momasphere and family, being a multicultural family and advice on how to connect with other moms. Here are some excerpts (you can read the complete interview on The Huffington Post HERE):
Read More...... READ MORE!What inspired you to start Momasphere?
I had left corporate America and a very high-pressured position as a VP of marketing. I had made a decision, before I went on maternity leave, to just leave corporate America for at least a little while and stay home with Baby Sphere. It was definitely an economic sacrifice for my family, to lose one very good household income. [Laughs] But we made the decision together.I think in the back of my mind I always had the DNA of an entrepreneur simmering in me. So I also decided to use that time away to do a bit of soul-searching and figure out what my calling was. I think in the course of that time period when I was with Baby Sphere and doing all this soul-searching...you know, motherhood just becomes so all-encompassing in your life!
It really does!
I don't think moms, or moms-to-be realize how completely all-encompassing it is, what an incredible change of lifestyle it is. It's a different way of thinking about your whole life.It was interesting to me, and I felt like my transition into the world of motherhood was kind of daunting. I felt like I had to reinvent myself. It became a little overwhelming. For me, I couldn't quite find my niche. [At this point our two boys decide to have a screaming match.] I [didn't really feel like a] stay-at-home mom. Especially, a lot of moms in the city have their babies a little later in life. I had my child when I was almost 40, so I feel like I had developed this character, this personality and way of living that was so embedded in me, so deep, so well-formed, that I didn't really know what to do with myself. I didn't really feel like I fit into the whole "mommy meet-up" environment. [Laughs] I felt like there really wasn't an environment that dealt with the mother in her whole spectrum of being. It seemed like the mommy blogs that were out there, and the mommy meet-up groups, and playgroups, all focused around the child. Very baby-centric. Click Here>
I recently went to an event in a gorgeous loft in the West 20’s called Bubbles and Bubbly. I got certified as a Bubble & HE Expert. Now as a mom, being a bubble expert might seem like no big deal: I use bubble baths to soothe away the blues, megasized bubble jars to amuse, tearless bubbles in our shampoos, bubble wrap for Cinderella’s glass shoes, and a little bubbly to invite the muse….but me, an HE expert?! (With a daughter, and a new venture that creates programs and events for moms, I’m probably more of an SHE expert.)
So I learned that HE stands for high efficiency, as in household appliances and laundry detergents. HE in appliances is actually a good thing because it saves energy and water. It turns out HE washers use 20% to 66% less water than traditional washers and as little as 20 to 50 percent of the energy because there’s much less water to heat. So it’s a win/win- save money and the environment at the same time. These machines do best with HE detergents.
So to get the aforementioned certification, in white lab coats, we tested the results ourselves, and were able to see how less is more when it comes to bubbles, and HE detergents. At the other end of the spectrum, we also got to test champagne, and learned that the more pinheaded bubbles in your glass, the better the champagne quality. I also had my bubbles read, and learned that my future looks, well…bubbly.
So if this makes you think that maybe your washer is not as efficient as you’d like it to be, or that you’re not using the best detergent for your HE machine, enter this contest and you can win a pair of gorgeous red HE washer/dryer, or a year’s supply of WiskHE detergent. http://laundryhe.com/contest/
Last Thursday evening, the Park Slope Parents Career Networking group, in conjunction with HipSlopemama, held its first event, a panel discussion featuring three successful working moms with three very different career paths. Had there been a dull moment in the discussion, guests would have had the opportunity to peruse the huge selection of glass frames hanging from the walls of the evening’s gracious venue host, the Park Slope Eye. But the panelists, whose careers range from scenic painter to career coach, kept the audience engaged with personal reflections on their individual career choices and triumphs. Though none of the women left with a new pair of glasses, all were no doubt able to see clearly that ‘there’s more (to career choices) than meets the eye.’
Joyce Szuflita spent approximately 25 years working as a scenic painter for theater and film, launching a variety of art-related side-businesses along the way. Recently, Joyce started NYC School Help, a successful private consultancy that helps Brooklyn families with their public and private school search, nursery through high school. Joyce said one of the things that made this business successful was that she “finally had the good sense to take out a small loan to get started.” While helping families sort out their school options and choices might seem like a far cry from her former life as a professional working artist, Joyce said it actually taps into three of her strengths that do not get full play in the artist realm: ‘her ability to research information, public speaking and talking someone down off a ledge.’ Joyce also said that she has become a whiz at SEO (search engine optimization) without spending a penny, and shared some of her tips with the group. Her website is www.nycschoolhelp.com and she contributes to many popular blogs, including: www.mysidewalkchalk.blogspot.
Stephanie Hill Wilcroft, formerly with public radio for many years, is a full-time, working mother at Sesame Workshop and founder of the popular blog, MAMA BEE. Stephanie acknowledged that while the corporate world does not offer women everything they need in order to be successful and happy, many women do not have the financial security to opt out. She talked about the current study released by Maria Shriver which has shown for the first time in our history that half of all U.S. workers are women and that mothers are the primary breadwinners or co-breadwinners in nearly two-thirds of American families. The study also confirmed that women today earn an average of 77 cents to every dollar a man earns. Until society offers more flexible work schedules, comprehensive child care policies, redesigned family and medical leave, equal pay and policies that encourage fathers to be involved, the situation in corporate America will continue to create an environment that that does not help working mothers thrive. At the same time, Stephanie does not advocate a full scale walkout. She is concerned that if all talented, high level women leave the corporate world, the organizations will have zero incentive to improve the situation for working women. Stephanie writes an anonymous (mostly) blog about women in the workforce, for her own personal satisfaction and enjoyment, which has become more political over time.
Nancy Collamer is a professional career coach and founder of the Jobs and Moms Career Center. Nancy started her career at AT&T, moved to corporate HR, then recruiting and after getting a masters degree in Career Development starting running workshops that explored ‘part-time careers for full-time mothers.’ Nancy attested to the value of ‘volunteer’ work, having written dutifully for an online column for no pay, finding its financial rewards at the end of the rainbow two years later, when it was bought by the Oxygen network. In order to find your work calling, Nancy recommends a four step process: 1. Discovery- find out who you are and what your natural talents are, 2. Exploration- see what’s out there, 3. Method of Delivery- decide how you would deliver your services, 4. Action Plan- describe how will you implement your plan. Nancy pointed to Weight Watcher’s as a good model to follow if you are embarking on a new challenge. It’s a program with built-in support, accountability, group sharing, published tips and techniques and it values of progress in small increments. Nancy pointed to low self-confidence as one of the major stumbling blocks for returning-to-work mothers, and gave some tips on how to overcome this including getting involved in projects that stretch you a little, continuing education classes, taking on small project work, and slowly dipping your toes back in the water.
Though the three panelists have chosen very different paths, each of them was clear on one issue. In order to find happiness and balance with one’s work life, it is incumbent upon each of us to find our bliss in some way…even if it takes 25 years to uncover, is an endeavor of love over and above a full-time job, and part of your services are performed for free. The message from the panelists was quite optimistic- if you find something that matches your interests and skill set, that you truly enjoy, you will likely find a way to make it work.
This informative event was for members of Park Slope Parents Career Networking group. If you are interested in joining, please contact LB Eisen, one of the co-founders. There is a fee associated with membership. Email: lbeisen@mac.com
Shari Storm’s new book, Motherhood is the New MBA: Using Your Parenting Skills to Be a Better Boss, offers wise, funny, practical advice on how to take basic mothering skills and translate them into successful management in the office. Shari is currently the VP, Chief Marketing Officer at Verity Credit Union, a $400 million financial institution. She has an MBA from Seattle University, teaches at the University of Washington’s Experimental College and mentors graduate students at Seattle University. In addition to work on her own blog, www.sharistorm.com, Shari contributes online to Working Mother Magazine, MomLogic and her company’s blog. Shari lives with her husband and three young daughters near Seattle, Washington. Ellen Bari, Co-Founder of Momasphere (Hip Slope Mama's sister site) took the opportunity to ask Shari a few questions about her new book and how she manages to do it all.
Q. Ellen B. In reading your new book, Motherhood is the New MBA, I couldn’t help but feel : Now why didn’t I write this book. It seems so obvious, but the truth is, it’s never really been framed quite this way. What inspired you to write the book?
A. Shari S. I knew I wanted to write something about how great motherhood is. When I became a mother, I felt more creative, more effective, and more energized at the office. But what I found to read on the topic of working and motherhood was more about how hard it is. There is a lot to read about the challenges of work life balance, the unfairness of the wage gap, the dangers of post-partum depression. All of these are of course, real and important issues. They just are not what I was experiencing personally.
Q: Ellen B. I know that sometimes we have an idea rolling around in our heads, until one particular experience brings the concept front and center. Was there a specific incident at work or at home that sparked the writing of this book?
A. Shari S. One day, when my oldest daughter was about 2 years old, we had some drama going on at work, and I suspected a co-worker of something. When I asked her about it, she started to answer me and it occurred to me that she was giving me the same type of answer I got from my two year old when I ask her, “Did you put your sneakers in the toilet?” It’s the look she gives me when she is lying!
It occurred to me at that point that human nature is human nature, whether we are 2 or 62. We are basically hard wired the same way and parents get in-depth, long term practice in human nature. We learn quickly, through parenting, how to get others to act in a way that we want them to.
Q. Ellen B. Not to give it all away, because our readers should first plan to come see you in your only New York appearance on November 5th at the Park Slope Eye, and then they should read the book. But in the interim, can you share the four most important things a good mom can bring to her role as a good manager?
A. Shari S:
Q. Ellen B. It seems to me that many of the practices you talk about in the book can relate to people other than moms…and even other than parents? Is there also a message here for managers who don’t have kids?
A. Shari S. My entire career I’ve heard sports analogies when it comes to business and I’ve heard war analogies when it comes to business. These are metaphors that are not relatable for most women, and for many men, frankly. The family dynamic is a framework that many people intuitively understand, whether they have children or not. Surprisingly, I’ve had tremendous support for the book from men and from non-parents. One journalist who interviewed me for the book said, “I just enjoyed reading the stories and the concepts all made perfect sense to me.” She does not have kids.
In light of all the talk days about work/life balance, I just can’t resist asking you how you manage to juggle everything so effectively. You have a full-time job as an executive at a credit union , are raising three young children under the age of seven AND manage to write a book? What’s your secret?
I’ve got a few secrets. The first is, there are lots of things I don’t do (like keep a clean house, write thank you notes, pay my bills on time or paint my fingernails).
Secondly, I dedicated one hour a day to this project. It took four years. It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do something for one hour each day. I committed to working on it from 4 am to 5 am every day.
Thirdly, I’ve got amazing support from my family, friends and co-workers. My husband, sisters and mothers help a great deal. My job has a 37.5 hour work week and I work from home on Fridays. It’s been a godsend for the crunch times on the book.
Momasphere events is hosting Shari’s only New York appearance on Thursday Nov.5th at the Park Slope Eye. Find out more about the details at Momasphere Events.
Ellen Bari, a Brooklyn-based freelance writer, mom and creative consultant, curates and produces award-winning programs and exhibits for children and adults. She is the Co-Founder of Momasphere, a organization based out of Park Slope, Brooklyn, that creates innovative evening events for moms of all ages, while also giving back to the community. Her upcoming children’s book Jumping Jenny (Lerner Publishing) is about a passionate little girl whose bouyant bounce, truly knows no bounds. Ellen’s ‘creative compass’ navigates her life as a mom, globe trekker, and designer of one-of-a-kind ceramics and jewelry- her necklaces are on display at Proteus Gowanus Gallery. She is also a regular contributor to Hip Slope Mama. Current exhibits in NYC include The Future Beneath Us @ the Science, Industry and Business Library (SIBL/NYPL), Transit Museum Gallery @ Grand Central; American Express Tower in the World Financial Center lobby.
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Momasphere Events and Bump are presenting a great reading and discussion in Park Slope for women of all ages that examines body image and motherhood! Whether you want to become pregnant for the first time, you're currently pregnant, 4 months out of pregnancy or 10 years out of pregnancy, the book deals with body image and fitness issues that last a lifetime. Beauty activists Claire Mysko and Magali Amadei surveyed more than 400 women, including those who are considering starting a family, moms-to-be, and mothers. They offer a much-needed forewarning on what to expect from your changing body, exposing the myths, challenges, and insecurities you’ll face throughout pregnancy and beyond—and what to do about them. With startling confessions of women’s unspoken fears and advice on how to remedy them, this essential compendium of girl-friendly advice will help champion any woman to feel her best about her body, herself, and her role as a mom.
Date: Thursday, October 29, 2009
Time: 7-9 pm
Place: The Old Stone House
336 3rd St (bet. 4th & 5th Ave), Brooklyn, NY 11215
Price: Tickets are $10 online & $15 at the door
Space is limited so please RSVP by purchasing tickets online HERE. Tickets are available for sale at the door for $15.00 on a first-come-first-served basis. Cash only to purchase tickets at the door.
Panel Discussion and Book Reading: Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby (co-authored by Claire Mysko and Magali Amadei) is the first guide to help women deal with the body changes of pregnancy and motherhood, providing valuable advice on how to pass along healthy attitudes about food and weight to our children. Publishers Weekly says, “[t]he concepts and solidarity offered here should prove valuable for millions of American women.
After the reading, a panel discussion that probes body image issues related to motherhood will follow. Topics that will be covered include self-esteem, sexuality, fitness and health as they relate to our changing bodies as mothers.
Body Image and Motherhood Reading and Discussion Includes the Following Panelists:
Claire Mysko and Magali Amadei co-authered Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby. In it they surveyed more than 400 women, including those who are considering starting a family, moms-to-be, and mothers. They offer a much-needed forewarning on what to expect from your changing body, exposing the myths, challenges, and insecurities you’ll face throughout. Claire writes books, blogs, leads workshops, and consults with companies and organizations that want to reach girls and women with empowering messages. She has served as the director of the American Anorexia Bulimia Association, the Executive Editor of SmartGirl, and the Assistant Director of Communications for Girls Inc. She is also the co-founder of Inside Beauty, an outreach program dedicated to promoting healthy body image. Claire received her M.A. in Gender Studies from The New School for Social Research.
Meredith Lopez is a stay-at-home writer and mother. She is one of the main mom bloggers on The Huffington Post. Her short stories and creative non-fiction have been published in Heart By Heart: Mothers and Daughters Listening to Each Other, The Dovetail Journal for Interfaith Families, Morbid Outlook, and The Rose & Thorn e-Zine. In 1999 she graduated from NYU with a degree in Dramatic Literature, Cinema Studies and Theatre History, with an emphasis on American film studies. She is also a veteran of several office day jobs, where she learned to multi-task, be proactive, have synergy, and think outside the box, all qualities that now come in handy as a mom. Meredith was born and raised in Miami, and now lives in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY with her husband and their son, the Juban Princeling.
Claire Cavanah is a mother, Co-Founder of Babeland and the co-author of Sex Toys 101. She has a bachelor's degree from Brown University. After attending an alternative high school in Vermont, Claire enrolled at Brown University. Brown's thriving feminist community offered Claire a new way to think about the world and led directly to her current career. Her studies were focused in both the "Gender Studies and Modern Culture" and the "Media" departments. She was also an active member of the campus Women's Center. After college, Claire moved to Seattle to begin work in the publishing field. During that time she also worked as a researcher, charting the second wave of feminism for a documentary film. It was shortly after this, that Claire joined with Rachel Venning and founded Babeland (originally known as Toys in Babeland).
Barbara Kass, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice in Manhattan and Brooklyn. She has a specialty working with new mothers, women in transition, and couples dealing with the changes that parenthood brings. She has worked extensively with women on issues of body image and has led numerous workshops on motherhood and mothering. Barbara is a graduate of the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Hunter College School of Social Work and has a Post Masters Certificate in Advanced Clinical Practice in Social Work from NYU. Barbara is an adjunct faculty member of the New York University School of Social Work, has taught at Columbia University School of Social Work, and continues to provide training and supervision for social workers and psychotherapists.
Hip Slope Mama is partnering with PSP Career Networking for their first event! Hope you'll join us.
Meet & Greet and Panel Discussion
Thursday, October 22nd 7-9pm at Park Slope Eye, 682 Union St. (btw 4th & 5th Ave.)
1) JOYCE SZUFLITA - Owner & Founder of NYC SCHOOL HELP will discuss her path from artist to entrepreneur - including the business ideas that didn't take off and the one that did! Now a busy, small business, based right here in Park Slope.Read More...... READ MORE!
2) STEPHANIE HILL WILCHFORT - Full-time, working mother in the corporate world and founder of the popular blog, MAMA BEE. Will discuss issues she and many women deal with, regarding policies and how society makes it easy or difficult for women to have a work life balance. Plus, how and why it works for her to be full-time working and a mom.
3) NANCY COLLAMER - Professional Career Coach and Founder of the JOBS AND MOMS CAREER CENTER. Will discuss what a career counselor/coach actually does, offer ideas for re-inventing yourself to enter a new industry and offer thoughts on when you or a spouse is without work.
By Rachael Nachtwey
Although I’ve taken care of many kids throughout the years, I’m never fully prepared for the frustration of the defiant toddler. I’ve seen even-tempered little ones undergo the most rapid personality changes, leading one to question if some little demon had burrowed in. My toddler niece fascinates me with her ability to play happily one second, then become red-faced and spout irrational tears the next. And Ethan, my normally obedient two-year-old charge, has recently decided that he is going to “forget” every rule that he had previously learned. In fact, he seems to have identified several Rachael pushing buttons and I, in turn, have learned what really turns my crank.
One recent afternoon, Ethan was definitely displaying some testing behaviors (i.e. doing the polar opposite of everything I had asked of him). However, as the day progressed, he seemed to be shaping up so I allowed him to take his new scooter outside. After several blocks of good behavior, I decided it was only fair to reward him on a warm, sunny day with some ice cream. Still donning his adorable dome shaped helmet, we sat on the steps of the Tasti-Delight, sharing a melting cup of vanilla soft serve.
As he proceeded to dump the remaining bit, I said, “All right. Let’s get going to the park!” at which he jumped up and yelled, “More ice cream!”
“You just had ice cream, silly!” I laughed. “Another day.” Now I don’t know if there was any correlation between the ice cream and the crack-like induced state that followed but here’s what happened:
Even though he didn’t tantrum or even really complain, within seconds, the horns surfaced. After scooting a few feet down the sidewalk, he suddenly stopped, dropped the scooter and just started running! The kid was greased lightning, I do not jest. I bolted and managed to grab him by the collar which made me feel like sort of bow-tied store clerk from the 50’s who was going to teach “those darn hoodlum thieves a lesson!” I pulled him close to me, got down to his level, and said, “What are you doing? You can’t run off like that!” while pointing at the cars that were “very, VERY dangerous!” I thought it registered in his expression. He looked solemn enough. A bit remorseful, too? Or so I thought…
We started off again but within moments, he dumped the scooter once more and at this point, I wondered if he was just getting tired. Spotting some chairs in front of the Tea Lounge, I suggested a little rest. We had just plopped down when without any warning, he popped out of his chair and sprinted toward the street. My heart in my throat, I commenced some sort of military move, launching myself and tackling him. Once I had him in my grasp, I proceeded to lose it.
“That’s IT!” I yelled, not caring that the patrons of the Tea Lounge were now staring at the spectacle that had become The R&C Show. I carried him back to the chair and firmly planted him down. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU KNOW YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO RUN OFF! YOU COULD GET HIT BY A CAR!!” I shouted. What was killing me about this whole situation was that he knows these rules. Very well.
We were nose to nose when I said, “You need a TIME OUT!”
He squirmed, whimpered, and cried for Mommy. He tried more than once to get out of the chair, which ratcheted my irritability up to the nth degree but by the time the two minutes were over, I think we had both calmed down. I took him by the hand and said, very evenly, “No park. We’re going home and you have to hold my hand the whole way there”. I couldn’t get horrific visions of him running in front of a car out of my head.
Ethan knew that he had pushed his Rachael a bit too far. Typically, he fights me when I grab his hand but this time, he allowed me to hold it firmly the entire walk home. By the time we arrived, I was completely exhausted and suggested some quiet time. He asked to play with his wooden blocks which seemed like a fine idea.
How wrong I was! He got way too keyed up by the construction and subsequent destruction of his towers. As he excitedly rummaged through his booty of blocks, he threw one of the large ones behind him, accidentally smacking me right above the eye. Hard.
The combination of extreme pain and general frustration with the entire afternoon caused me to burst into tears. I ran into the bathroom to examine the damage and also to minimize the fear I was probably evoking in Ethan. I also realized I was very much in need of a breather. As I sobbed over the bathroom sink, I could hear Ethan pressing his face to the door.
“It’s all right, Rachael, yes? You be okay?” His sweet little voice through the door sounded so genuine, so grown up for his two-year-old body.
After I had collected myself, I said, “Yes, I’ll be okay”.
We all have our moments, I guess, when we need to lose it, whether that’s with our scooters, in the sandbox, or over the bathroom sink. When Ethan’s mom came home and I told her what had happened, she demanded that he apologize. “I sorry, Rachael” he said, burying his head into her shoulder.
Amazing how powerful an apology is, even from a toddler. Even more meaningful? Knowing that his mom has removed the wooden blocks from his toy chest because unlike Ethan, I don’t look so cute in helmets.
Rachael Nachtwey is a Brooklyn Nanny, a freelance writer and regular contributor to Hip Slope Mama. She can be reached at Rachael.Nachtwey@gmail.com. She also writes on her blog at www.thenightway.blogspot.com
My son’s two sibling friends are challenging, high-spirited kids. Their mother is a saint; she’s my ace-in-the-hole, my last minute go-to buddy in the trenches of childcare; anytime, any day any place, she’ll take Harper with her and care for him as one of her own.
Well, tonight it’s payback time: it’s her 10-year wedding anniversary, so here we are, my husband and I, doing our best to make it through a much anticipated (by the children) and much dreaded (by us) Sleepover, fraught with “he started it’s and “that’s not fair”s and “I want that one”s and on and on and on. It’s 10:00PM. Never mind where your children are; do you remember why you had them? Thank G-d for pizza, ice-cream, popcorn and DVDs. Of course, then there’s the little matter of what to watch first. Turns picking are taken, coins are flipped, tears are shed, bribes are made. Finally, it’s Beddy-Bye-Bye-Time: pajamas, teeth brushed, faces and in some cases feet washed, (bathe them all? You’ve got to be kidding!) And yes, you have to try to go to the bathroom before you go to bed. As I write this, Richard is up at the Story-time bat, and unless it’s my imagination, things are starting to settle…
No, I spoke too soon. “I’m thirsty’ I hear a plaintive little voice declare. My son has somehow materialized at my bedside. ‘Rahti, I’m hot’ complains a littler one, right on his heels (the heat is blasting, which has really enhanced the evening.) Containing my annoyance, I tend to their needs, and once again am back at my laptop. It grows quiet. But I know better than to get too excited. It’s not over ‘til it’s over, not before the sun rises and the pancakes are eaten. My prayer, aside from their safe-keeping, is that the bunk-beds and sofa remain dry. My husband is not bearing up all that well, but he’s here, thank goodness.
I don’t remember my father being present at all during sleepovers. I’m sure he was around, but it felt like he’d left the country. Laughter erupts in the living room on the other side of the bedroom door. Fart-poop-name-calling silliness ensues. A tattle-tale runs into my room. I instruct him to threaten the others for me, and am reminded of a childhood friend’s father when I was growing up. Half-conscious, beached in his Easy-Boy chair, he’d rouse just enough to yell at the eldest of his 8 kids: “Joey, go over and kick your brother’s ass for me”. Now, back in the day, that was a hands-on dad. I’m taking a bit of poetic license here, of course. He’d do his own ass-kicking.
(I need to confess something here: I just plagiarized myself. That memory was lifted from a semi-autobiographical solo show I wrote and performed 10 years ago. Gives me pause to wonder whether I’ll ever be immortalized that way, by one of my son’s contemporaries. One of the kids sleeping over tonight, in fact, has quite a talent theatrically, and I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if I end up being less than flatteringly caricatured on some off-off Broadway stage someday. I certainly had moments worthy of that this evening.)
Inevitably, I am back at the children’s bedsides. Naturally, the ‘I miss my mommy’ stage has begun. But that’s a good thing: that place of vulnerability is a charitable moment, as it usually signals imminent sleep.
It’s funny: I’ve been fighting this month’s blog. I haven’t been seized by any specific theme or axe to grind, which makes it harder to write. A mentor-coach of mine, Dr. Eric Maisel, talks about ‘creating in the middle of things’. What an apropos subject on the cusp of the holidays! A recent seminar I co-led with him triggered the subject. And what better setting for Creating in the Middle of Things could there be than the chaos of a sleep-over? It’s exactly what I needed to write this blog. There is no perfect time. You have to create despite the circumstances. And what better circumstances could there be to demonstrate that, than a fidgety bunch of kids having a slumber party?
Incidentally, if you could use a little support with this, I'm about to launch a coaching group for freelance and artist parents who constantly contend with this very challenge, and there’s room for one more! To find out more about that visit Creative Calling Coaching. I do hope to see you there!
Rahti Gorfien, of Creative Calling Coaching, is a Life Coach and Park Slope mom, specializing in creative mothers with universal and yet unique challenges to succeed both personally as mothers and professionally as artists. She is also a regular contributor to Hip Slope Mama. Join her Yahoo Group for additional tips and essays. 
"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble." -
Helen Keller
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